"People hate that I flip two cigarettes
Upside down in each pack
But I hate that people notice
When you gain three pounds,
But not when you buy a new hat.
I’ve been told that the way I sleep
With one leg draped over
The person lying next to me
But I think it’s annoying
When people tell me
I look pretty,
But only when I paint my face.
I’ve heard that old men
Like to touch the girls who work late at bars,
But I want to know
Why they never kiss the women they married
fourty-two years ago.
I’ve noticed that mothers teach their daughters
That it’s rude to refuse a hug
From an uncle they’ve met three times,
But forget to teach them
That they aren’t obliged to kiss
The boy who paid for dinner."
No one laughs at God in a hospital No one laughs at God in a war No one’s laughing at God When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor // No one laughs at God When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake No one’s laughing at God When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else And they hope that they’re mistaken // But God can be funny At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or Or when the crazies say He hates us And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke God can be funny, When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus God can be so hilarious